Author Topic:  Forsaken  (Read 1656 times)

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Squall

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Forsaken
« on: April 17, 2013, 03:14:43 PM »
 Hey, just thought I would start writing a story. I've had this idea for a while now, and just found the right words for it. Please tell me your thoughts on it so far.

Intro/Teaser- Done
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Tidus groaned and opened his eyes. He bit back a curse as he saw the sword flash through the air. He attempted to raise a battered shield to stop it, but his arms were aching too much to comply. The blade hit his arm and bit hard into it. It felt like his arm was being cleaved off with a guillotine. He screamed and dropped his spear in pain, and his other hand seemed to involuntarily drop the shield.
   He fell to the ground in tears, with his right hand clutching the wreck that had been his left arm.
   “That’s ENOUGH!” roared a loud voice from somewhere behind Tidus.
“What do you call that!?” it said again. Tidus barely help onto conscience, due to the enormous feeling of agony. He tried to flex his left hand, and looked down. He was surprised to see his hand lying instead on the cold hard stones below him.
   It felt like they were taking him somewhere, but he didn’t know who was moving him. It was as if angels had picked him up to carry him away to some far-off paradise. Only the paradise did not take away the pain. Tidus closed his eyes for what seemed to be that last time, and his mind gave one last spasm of recognizable though. It was about something he couldn’t do. Although he thankfully didn’t remember what it was he didn’t do. Finally Tidus blacked out.

Chapter 1- Awaiting Peer Review
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   The smoke rose up in arching spirals from the growing forges of Mato, one of the greater cities of the land. Trade throve here, since it was the essential intersection of many major cities. The smoke continued its climb upwards until a sharp gust of wind blew it North to the training grounds of Mato. Under the wind’s path, a man was arguing with a student, and the wind carried their voices to almost the entire area of the barracks.
   “What do you call this!?” Demanded Headmaster Cid. The headmaster of the school, if such a place could be called a school, yet it was called ‘The Center of Mato’ by most people. Mato was a largely military based city.
   “Injuries are unacceptable, and you clearly passed that line enough. You chopped off a student’s HAND!” he bellowed.      
   Tomes, the unlucky student who was being reprimanded by Cid, looked as sullen as one could be. His face was twisted into a scowl, and he slowly shifted his snow white hair out of his eyes with a look of distaste and boredom.
   “Tames!” Cid said, “You brought your conflict into the battlegrounds, which is the number one thing I tell you students not to do. This is the biggest problem you have, and I have had enough.”
Tames looked up at him with a quick calculating glance, as if he could understand what was about to happen and dreaded it. Yet he managed to express total loathing to the man in front of him.
   “You are hereby removed from the roster, and I never want to see you on the school grounds again.” Cid announced, and then stalked away in cold fury, bristling with disgust.
   Tames reacted like he was slapped, and slowly walked towards the gate of the grounds. His unbelievingly arrogant expression had turned one of panic. He looked around for anything to vent his anger on. He quickly found someone, a blonde haired rouge with blue eyes, who looked as agile as a fox. He even had the tail for it. He had two guns holstered on his hips, and a face most would call charming. Exactly the kind of guy Tames liked to hurt. He cracked his knuckles and grinned in anticipation of what was going to happen. Maybe today wouldn’t be such a fiasco after all.
Chapter 1-Part 2
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   Cid first spotted the pair when he was leaving his office. A pair of tall kids, one of them carrying the other. The one being carried had so many brusies and nicks on him, Cid barely knew who he was.
   “And whom do I have to thank for disposing of my least favorite student?” Cid addressed the one carrying Tames.
   “The name is Robi, and no need to thank me. This guy was trying to stir up trouble. Thankfully I managed to calm him down.” Robi grinned and laughed a little, his blue eyes twinkling. “Pleasure to meet you Mister…”
   “Cid” replied Cid, who was starting to like this fellow “Now come with me to my study and share your story with me.
Next Chapter- Written!
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Cid nodded as Robi finished his story. He sipped his mug and set it down. "Thanks for sharing with me" Cid said. "No problem" Robi replied "just mind the warning. You guys will see some combat real soon. Prepare for a fight." Cid laughed at that "Who would come all the way here just to raid us?" Cid said "Relax kid, I-" He suddenly stopped talking as the lights went dark. After a few seconds a lone emergency light lit up. "What the.." Cid said. Robi held a finger to his mouth, signalling Cid to shut up. Robi pulled out both of his guns and readied them. Cid followed suit and pulled out his quarter-staff. They looked at each other and nodded, ready to fight anyone in their way.

Chapter 1 part 4 (Screw these chapter numbers)
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Robi quickly dashed forwards, and barreled through the door and under a near table. Gunshots hit along his path, but didn't hit him. He aimed one of his guns towards the shots, scanning for intruders.
   After a brief scan, he located a man in a black spec-ops suit, and wasted no time disposing of him. After Robi shot him though, more gunshots fired towards him. Robi ducked down and cursed, hoping Cid managed to do something.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2013, 08:38:24 AM by Squall »
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Feel free to check out the story I'm writing! http://totalminerforums.net/index.php?topic=366.0

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2013, 03:20:36 PM »
[Reserved for future chapters if needed]
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Zidane Tribal

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2013, 03:31:04 PM »
I am running this Facebook RP page about a Genome, like Zidane, but in his 'Navy Gilet' Dissidia alternative costume. He wields these dual plasma rifles and a homing launcher which both fire two different types of ammo. From basic plasma/homing rocket to an augmented Plasmid/Guided Missile.

I also allowed him to use this trance when he goes silver and his plasma goes into a ground shaking, powerful but short lasting Plasmoid and two powerful and insanely nevering missing NevaMiss Missiles. He is a good man with tech and pilot and rarely seen without Zidane on his side. ;) just so you know it could be a good addition to your story. ^_^

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2013, 03:41:18 PM »
Sure! I would be honored, I read a bit of your story here. I think he would be a nice addition to the story, although I might have to change the weapons temporarily. (I'll have to make it steampunk or something :3) Robi, right?
Or is it a different character?
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Zidane Tribal

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2013, 03:56:16 PM »
You could tone him down a bit. But his trance weapons should remain as a respectable trance-only power cos I designed to originally focus the trance into one god-oh-mighty beam but then is more of a more weaker yet strong plasma combo.

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2013, 02:56:34 PM »
Chapter one complete
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Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2013, 05:05:53 PM »
Chapter 1.5 done
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Zidane Tribal

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2013, 05:09:45 PM »
any more coming?

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2013, 05:14:05 PM »
Yeah, I took a short break and am writing more later today.
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Lightning

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2013, 12:32:16 AM »
You're pretty skilled! Its hard for me to even write a paragraph /heidy
hi hi hi hi hi hi

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2013, 03:20:08 PM »
You're pretty skilled! Its hard for me to even write a paragraph /heidy
Thanks! :3
I plan to put the next part in within 3 or so days. Glad to see some people taking an interest.
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Zidane Tribal

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2013, 06:35:33 PM »
we are. looking forward to more! moar MOAR!!!!! XD

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2013, 11:16:34 AM »
Sorry it took so long, updated
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Lightning

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2013, 01:10:56 AM »
Ahhh what's going to happen? The agony :D
hi hi hi hi hi hi

Squall

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Re: Forsaken
« Reply #14 on: May 20, 2013, 08:39:06 AM »
T_T My chapters are getting progressively shorter, I'll fix that.
New "chapter"
-Squall, I'm one of the more sophisticated members of this site. Feel free to message me if you run into any problems here.
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Feel free to check out the story I'm writing! http://totalminerforums.net/index.php?topic=366.0