Author Topic:  The Many Miles.  (Read 3504 times)

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Panther

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The Many Miles.
« on: January 18, 2018, 12:32:26 AM »
Hello everyone. I have recently have had several ideas and lightbulbs cross my mind to create a story. I shall update this opening topic, when new chapters are released. I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions to make this story better. The story itself is called "The Many Miles" which the main character, often gets into different adventures, trouble, and meets some characters, friendly or not so friendly. This is my first story after a few years now, so it may not be perfect. So, bonus points to anyone who catches any spelling/grammatical errors. You will be credited.

As of Tuesday, March 13th of 2018, Chapter One has been a work in progress.
Prologue:
Spoiler for Hidden Content:
July 26th, 1867, Past Midnight. Stars shined across the country, as the tiresome people of the dusty and quiet town of Rolling Hill fell asleep. But not everyone rests easy here, For Burt, however, he was restless, he is digging on the quiet outskirts of Rolling Hill. He thinks that his family's fame has been wrongly stolen. Burt was never a social man as people often give him the cold shoulder because of his troubled past and his ramblings, everyone just thought the poor guy lost a screw. But Burt sometimes thought to himself, was he really wasting his time running after an old story that may not be true? Well, The gods will soon bless him with answers and will lead him with hope.





« Last Edit: March 14, 2018, 12:17:41 AM by Rollins »

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MasterMan917

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2018, 08:31:55 PM »
I love the concept, it actually got me immersed in just the little segment you wrote down, but you use too many commas. I've copied what you wrote down and will show you what I mean, I hope this is okay with you.  Again I love the short intro you did. I really hope you continue this.


 July 26th, 1867, Past Midnight. Stars shined across the country, as the tiresome people in the dusty and quiet town of Rolling HillNo comma here fell asleep. But not everyone rests easy here, For Burt, however, he was restless, he is digging on the quiet outskirts of Rolling HillWhy was he digging?. He thinks that his family's fame has been wrongly stolen. Burt was never a social man as people often give him the cold shoulderNo comma here because of his troubled past and his ramblings, everyone just thought the poor guy lost a screw. But Burt sometimes thought to himself, was he really wasting his timeNo comma here running after an old story that may not be true? Well, The gods will soon bless him with answers and will lead him with hope.


Please note: I'm not a writer but I read a lot and I like to think I have good grammar.

Panther

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2018, 12:31:31 AM »
Thanks for the criticism. I am a huge freak with using commas too much. I am glad you enjoy the story so far! I will use your opinion to help bump up the prologue, and keep that in mind while writing the first chapter.


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Panther

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2018, 12:24:18 AM »
Hey All!
The First Chapter is here. In this post, the spoiler leads to it. If anyone knows how to separate spoilers in a post instead of them intersecting each other, that would be appreciated. But here it is.


Chapter One:





 
Spoiler for Hidden Content:
July 30th, 1867, Dusk. The sky was full of perplexing colors of Blue and Orange and the stars were around the corner. Burt, digging for 4 nights straight was very tired as he never slept the same after the first sessions of digging. He was fatigued. His body was negatively being affected by this, as his fists were often red from holding the shovel he used to dig the dirt and clay underneath the surface. He walked very lazily down the poorly marked streets, which could be identified with wooden barriers of a sort. He kept walking, outside the marked town limits, until he reached to one of the dig spots he left for another time. While Burt walked half asleep, he noticed light coming from behind a small mound of ground. He thought to himself, "I never leave a torch or anything when I dig, what's this then?". He then shouted at the hole. "Who`s there? I'm armed and I'm not afraid to show myself!"
 Suddenly, a small voice spoke softly, "Alright, I'm coming out. I have nothing that could harm you.". 
 The figure climbed out and the split second it did, Burt was surprised, then said, "Who are you?"
« Last Edit: May 06, 2018, 03:25:18 AM by McIntyre »

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Panther

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2018, 12:15:22 AM »
Hey Everyone! McIntyre here.

I have started to work on the second chapter of "The Many Miles" today, so expect that to drop by the end of this week or the beginning of next week.

As I said in the OP, Constructive criticism and Suggestions are indeed welcomed but while talking about that, a huge shoutout to MasterMan917 for helping me tweak the Prologue and have a better mind for Chapter 1, and the future chapters to come

But I've needed to kind of address, that since January of this year, the story has beaten several milestones I'd never think it would reach but most recently, The Many Miles hit and passed over 1500 views, and so I just wanted to say thanks. You guys are what keeps me going, writing these paragraphs known as chapters and in whole, a story. It's just kinda blown me away that this small little idea just snowballed since. From my heart, thank you. I will definitely release Chapter 2 in the utter near future. You guys are the best.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2018, 10:25:51 PM by McIntyre »

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Panther

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2018, 03:21:13 AM »
McIntyre has done it again! Chapter 2 is here for release. I'm sorry it took long to publish, with life and family in the way, I didn't have time. Sorry!


Chapter 2:

Spoiler for Hidden Content:
July 31st, 1867, Midnight. "Well, I'm nobody that is truly important, that is." The lady who Burt found in the same digging hole in about an hour ago said, in a gruff tone. They were in Burt`s house, if you would call it so. He scanned her character, Black hair, Green eyes, a height almost as his and a.. Nevermind. She looked like a rebel with her blue and white outfit. Curious, he decided to ask that question. "Are you a French rebel, of some sort?" The lady then shot Burt a look of confusion and told him, "Uh, I'd be dead if I was one honey, and from my experience I doubt I'd join up if another war started with the French. Besides that, The French Revolution happened ages ago. I found this in a chest of some sort while exploring the land of France itself a couple years back, Still looks good without shells or blood going through it, Yet."
Burt felt very stupid of himself. He then tried to ask why she had been digging, but answered for herself. "For your information, I was digging because of a legend I heard back in my homeland about the gold rush of Rolling Hill and how some poor sod died with tons of it stashed with him to the grave. They also said of a broken family of some sorts, and I thought that it may be related with each other." Burt then told her, "I was apart of that family and ever since I've been cursed with bad luck all my damned life. If anything I should go along and go with you. Please." She looked at Burt, played with her hands and breathed heavily a bit then said, "Sure. Come with me and we will find the true story of these legends."

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Panther

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2018, 03:27:02 AM »
Oh, and I didn't notice on contact on writing, but we surpassed 2000 views. Thanks for reading my ramble on the Internet!  :D

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Panther

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2018, 04:22:59 AM »
I'm back with Chapter 3. Thanks for reading so far. Really means a crap ton. ANYWAY, to the story.


Spoiler for Hidden Content:
August 1st, Dawn. Burt and his companion of sorts decided to sleep out the rest of the pitch dark night to awake in the morning, thus kicking off the first part of their journey. While walking out past Rolling Hill, Burt decided to ask the lady a question. "When I found you out in the hole and in my house, I'm surprised I never actually asked this. What is your name, or what should I call you?" The lady then look at Burt and exclaimed, "Oh yeah, my bad. My name is Rebecca. I just didn't think you cared enough to ask." Burt then sharply shot Rebecca another question. "What or where is your homeland exactly? I'm thinking you're one of those British Folks." Rebecca did have a soft accent of sorts, she then answered him. "Well, you're close but not. I'm one of the Irish folk, but me? I'm not exactly like others in this case, I've been places that they could have never knew about if I wasn't there. Hell, even at points I don't think I'm Irish or anything else, just Rebecca." The two walked down the rough dirt path to look for anything in particular. They pasted towns, small houses, roaming shopsmen and even a couple of men on Horses and swords of Iron asking for a map of the land. Burt and Rebecca was about to start walking back to Rolling Hill or set up camp nearby until a voice, small but loudly yelled closely in hearing range of Rebecca and Burt, "Help! You gotta help us! Please help!"

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