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Author Topic:  I just need to vent.  (Read 851 times)

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I just need to vent.
« on: December 17, 2016, 11:54:50 PM »
I don't really know what I'm writing here I'm just venting here as I don't have people I talk to, to vent. Lately, my life has been great been making money, working on developing games and trying to enjoy life. I try to be a relatively uplifting person and keep people in good moods and I try to help everyone as much as I can.  I feel like my life is falling apart but it's just getting started, im 16 and I've left school got my GED work 6 days a week 8 to 11 hours a day at a place where I can make games play them and see what other are doing its great but I am just out of motivation and energy im trying to keep everyone in my life happy and I've forgotten about myself.

I'm just gonna be completely honest with everyone here as even though some of you may not like me or whatever, you can feel how you feel i don't control that. Some things have been making me not to happy with the fact that up until 2 days ago for almost 2 weeks before that my bank account was flagged for bank fraud because my check wasn't printed properly and I got charged for many fees for having a negative balance. I have now gotten it fixed but I didn't have access to money I worked for and they still haven't paid me back for the fees (the payroll company) that were caused by their mistake (they said the would.) Its so close to Christmas and I lost a lot of time when I could have been shopping and do things.

 I take people's issues as mine cause if someone is having an issue and they tell me I feel I must help in some way cause no one ever helped me and I know there feeling. To no fault of their own and over the last few months I've been drained by helping people by doing stuff for them helping them or making sure they are happy when I should have been focused on me.

Recently Craig posted the tweet on twitter that he needed some c# programmers to use the modding API to test it. I pm'ed him and he said he would like an expert. I fully understand what he means cause he needs it tested well and I haven't  been focusing on c#(i am now). I just brought me down cause I know I can be better and if I put in more work I know I could get to where he wants and I want I know not instantly but in time.

I have been working on my game at a slow pace but it's getting done and I do get feedback from friends and such on what to add and such and that is something that has kept me going and I thank them for that. I also thank all you for what you guys do for me with your comments on things I'm doing right and also what I'm doing wrong. I have been trying to improve my grammar as I know I don't have the best but I'm trying.

Some days I don't want to get out of bed when I know I have too and some day I don't. I used to do so much now I'm being lazy and it sucks and I don't know what to do. The other day I messaged my mom that I haven't seen in 9 years since her and my dad gave me up and I jokingly asked her If we could meet up before Christmas because I know she's not doing well and I would like to see her before she goes. She has never replied but this time she did and she wants to see me. It's rather bittersweet because I know I'll get to see her but this is also possibly the last time I do.

Recently I have been trying to set daily goals to try and get some order in my life but I don't follow them cause I feel like there is no need. If you read this and you have ever felt this way what should I do, I feel like a broken person and a shell of what I used to be. I want a new life.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2016, 12:14:41 AM by TheLegend27 »


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Re: I just need to vent.
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2016, 12:05:15 AM »
Here is the wrong place to post stuff like that. Most members are your age if not younger so have no life experience. All of the things you posted with the exception of your mother are trivial small things that in the grand scheme of things, don't matter. You might not see it now, but you will.

That's not a dig by the way. I'm one of the oldest members here. I speak from experience and just trying to help.

Edit: Removed smartass comment for something a bit more helpful. It is Christmas after all.  ;)
« Last Edit: December 18, 2016, 12:33:44 AM by Fuertey »


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Re: I just need to vent.
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2016, 12:14:23 AM »
Life can be really tough sometimes, especially during your late teenage years. Stick with it, don't lose sight of who you are, and invest in yourself (not to say that you should over-indulge, but budget so you can give yourself a day off every once in a while, and go do something or buy something that's just for you to enjoy).


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Re: I just need to vent.
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2016, 01:56:42 AM »
You sound like you're in a great spot compared to me, at least from my perspective. You have a GED at 16, you get paid to make and test games, and you know coding.

I work at a crap job, where I'm underpaid, underappreciated, and 90% of my money goes to help out my mom and her bills and debts. I'm also supporting 2 brothers as well. I am trying to get started on a career as a tattoo artist, but nowadays, it costs money to get the apprenticeship for that because everyone is switching to disposable parts now. Its $10k USD for 2years. Its also "technically" illegal to tattoo where I live, unless you get an apprentiship, regardless of bloodborne pathogen tests and skill.

My dad left when I was 9 and didn't meet me until I was 19, and then, he worked from 6am to 2am each day, and I didn't get to spend time with him. My mom sleeps 18 hours a day because she has to have medications for pain all over. The only time I really see her is when she eats or wants me to clean the house.

I rarely have time to even touch video games lately. When I do, I lost all inspiration to build anything anymore because this job has sucked the energy out of me. Its caused anxiety, stomach problems, and sleep deprivation. I work overtime every day because its "business critical" and we have to stay late every night, so pretty much forced overtime. No holiday pay/benefits because I'm not tenured for 6 months.

I also can't seem to finish any big project, no matter what it is. Making a game, texture pack, RPG level, etc.

So, if you can't take the pressure of what you've got going for you, I'll switch you. I'll teach you art, and you teach me coding.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2016, 02:27:54 AM by crazytater94 »


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Re: I just need to vent.
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2016, 02:47:46 AM »
Let me start by saying this for anyone who might judge what you've said.
If his problems seem small to you or like he's making a big deal out of nothing, realize that pain or suffering or whatever you classify this as is relative to himself and not yours. Too say ones pain or suffering is worse than another is simply lacking perspective on how one perceives things. Have empathy even when it's hard to and that will go a long way for you.

To you, I have some advice or just somethings to think about. Firstly, as a Christian, I'll tell you that there is purpose to what you do and you can pm if you want to talk more about that as to not go against forum rules and post about it here. Next, I'll tell you that if you want to reach your goals career wise whether that's climbing ranks at your job or owning your own business you have to invest your time into that, but if you want to be happy you have to invest in yourself too. Find a balance or chose one or the other (I'd chose being happy). Repetition and routine seems to be what is making your life seems mundane. Obviously if you want to keep your job you need to keep doing it but you can find other ways to help yourself. Maybe workout a few times a week and find a program you like to do that challenges you. Maybe go to museums or concerts or something every now and then. If you really want to feel motivated, think about your future family and how well off they will be because of you. Maybe think about how you have a chance to leave a mark on the world and be a positive influence. I know if you get comfortable it's easy to be lazy so don't get comfortable and challenge yourself to do hard things and to build on whatever you have to.
Not sure if any of this will help, but like I said you can dm me and I could tell you where I think real purpose comes from.


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Re: I just need to vent.
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2016, 09:58:49 AM »
You're life is what you make of it. If you're happy at where you are in life, then you don't have to change anything. If you're unhappy, change something.

I like how you said you can do better. That is true, there is always another horizon to reach, keep that mentality.

As for others, Community Service has taught me helping others should make you feel good. If you don't feel good, then they don't really need your help, they're exploiting you. I dont know what you're speaking of exactly so I dont want to assume anything, but I'd rethink those endeavors.

As for the game, finish it by any means necessary. You'll feel much better with a finished product than a half finished one.

As for family, it's tough to separate from family. See your mom and make your peace. That's all you really can do. As for the rest of your family, if they dont make you a better person, drop them. Family doesnt mean anything if they are helping you to become a better version of yourself.

As for your daily goals. set 1. Achieving multiple goals is hard, especially when you don't even want to get out of the bed in the morning. Set one obtainable goal
"Fix Camera Movement" or "Clean the basement" Dont go to bed without one victory. Always leave one thing to look back on and say "that day was a victory, even a small one."

ETTP I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. I'll lave you with two of my favorite quotes:

"The greatest fear in the world is the opinion of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom."

"Some men are like wood, and are consumed by the fire. Other men are like iron, and are molded by the fire. Its not circumstance that decides your path in life, it's what you're made of."


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Re: I just need to vent.
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2016, 04:52:48 AM »
my advice is: focus on yourself...take a break

don't overwhelm yourself and don't do something that you're getting bored of.If you have no ideas/inspiration or motivation, then there's no point in pushing yourself and burning yourself out further than what you already have.It's good that you try to help others out and that you care about other's problems, but don't try and help people out too much, for you need to worry about your mental health as well, and you're not a psychologist, but there's nothing wrong with helping others, and even they need breaks every now & then

if your mom is passing, then take a break from programming and focus on your family and more importantly, her, especially if she's on her deathbed...your mom is more valuable than any game you may program.just like nefty said, making daily goals does help out a ton.lately I've been focusing on that myself and just looking ahead and trying to stay productive going for goals and small things and its helped by far to motivate me even further and to sorta help me manage time better, which is crucial for a busy agenda

as far as Craig wanting an expert at c# and you trying to be that person, my advice is:stop worrying about trying to be the person....the reason i say that is because the time that it'll take you to try and get to the level he would need someone to be at,as much as you're learning c# now, it'll take you a while(1-2+ years),and I'm not saying you don't have the potential to become an expert at c#,but with you getting bummed out or trying to go for that(if you still are) then you'll spend more time trying to go for that to where by the time you get to the level he'd need you to be at, there would probably be better or bigger things to go after or worry about  or all of the time you could've had to go for other things would've been wasted or gone trying to be a coder for craig
by all means I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it, a lot it's your decision...but personally id say there's going toa lot more or better opportunity/is out there you could go for or achieve if you  don't put all of your focus on trying to learn c# just for Craig(i assume he plays a big role in why you switched your focus on c#)
do as you want but that's my opinion

also,another advice I'd give you is:if programming is burning you out and you're not having fun in life anymore or want some change,then personally,as weird as this sounds, I would suggest looking into other career fields or just see what's out there, for there might be something else you might find interest in; also, try looking into some college courses..Yes you can look and learn stuff online,but there's only so much you can learn or do so fast, it where if likeI said before, you're trying to get to the level of programming that Craig would need, then you'll need to take some actual classes...maybe take some classes and go for a degree

take a break, and if you're getting bored of something as a hobby, then take a break from it and come back to it later. id take a break for now,especially during the holidays and with your mom having issues...take care of all the things bothering you or dragging you down,to where once you get them out of the way or finish them, then your mind will be more relaxed and stress free,to where you'll be able to focus on your goals a lot more/better