PLEASE DELETE THE POST ABOUT THIS THAT IS IN THE ADULT FORUMS.
This one is the one I wish to keep, sorry for the issue with it. I thought it would fit best in the adult, but I forgot that some people can't see it there.
READ THIS PART: To anyone who doesn't have medical knowledge that can be used in a better understanding of what's going on with me, just read this before anything else.
I do NOT have any extreme thoughts like murdering, sadism, etc.
My problems in this area has led some to believe this and it is NOT true.
The only reason I'm posting this here is because no one else I know had any answers for me, and I've had 11 separate doctor's visits in the past 2 months (for various reasons unrelated to this) and even though the visits were about important issues, I feel as if I'm being a bit annoying with the quick repetitive visits.
So, here's the issue.
I've had this un-explainable issue with paranoia since a few years back from a very strange "panic attack" or something like it. Even though I don't want to, I have to elaborate just in case this is an important detail.
What happened with the strange "panic attack" or what ever it was, was that I became very scared, delusional, and unpredictable. I couldn't remember much besides running around outside with this feeling like I was being chased by something, and my friends told me I was saying something that is very uncharacteristic of me like, "The forces are trying to separate us," and this other crazy talk. The most traumatizing part that I can remember from it was seeing something that was the main focus of a nightmare that I had about 2 years prior, that caused me some mental trauma up until and through the event.
But back to the main issue.
This irrational paranoia has slowly started getting worse and worse. Here is a scale of paranoid actions I have done in chronological order from when the issue started to current.
- Repetitive checking my surroundings for anything out of place
- Constant looking behind me
This one is the most concerning to me:
- When I would try to go to sleep, I would hallucinate that someone I talked to that day would come in to my room, stand at the same spot on the edge of my bed, and have a long conversation with me. Then, I would blink, they would be gone, and it would feel uncomfortably silent. (This stopped after around the 1 year mark)
Around 6 months after event:
- Refusal to go into small dark rooms (bathrooms when the lights are off)
- Refusal to leave doors cracked open (they either had/have to be fully open or fully closed, because every time I leave it cracked, I have hallucinations of shadow-ish figures running past the doorway. Although everyone who has been to my house has told me they have been seeing it too, I feel that it's probably a mind trick that happens if you get a little spooked.
Around 1 year after event: - Discomfort trying to sleep (feeling as if someone/thing is at the foot of my bed staring at me)
- Refusal to look into any mirrors (constant irrational fear that my reflection won't match me, or that something will be behind me)
- Irrational fear of loud noises
Around 2 years in:
- Random unpredictable bouts of extreme paranoia (to the point of sweating and not blinking)
- At random times, having the very scary, strange feeling that if I touched someone, everyone would, without moving, somehow shift into a position to where they were all staring at me. But the scary part is that I felt that they would have some extremely distorted, almost demonic looking faces.
Around 3 years in: (Current)
- Random extreme panic attacks that come in waves. (I have had 12 panic attacks in the past week)
Please, if anyone knows anything about this or has any advice for me, do share. I'm open to any suggestions and if it sounds like I need to be treated for mental health issues, (going to a psych ward or anywhere that could assist in a problem like this) I will look into it.