Author Topic:  An Encounter with Death (Short Story)  (Read 1180 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Platinum Dryym

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • What's yours is mine. ~TM's Resident Master Thief~
  • Awards Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Awarded to exemplary forum members 2 years on site+300 posts 3 years on site+600 posts Site art contributions/TPs in-game/Contest winners 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: dryym
An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« on: May 26, 2016, 11:42:45 AM »
~Excerpt from a moderately wealthy old man's journal.~

Here i sit, Writing under the candle light, An odd experience I had the previous night.
As I sit here writing, It seems as though my memory of the event is fading from my mind, As if it does not wish to be recalled.


It was well past midnight when I was abruptly awoken by a sharp knocking at the front door.
At first I had assumed it was simply the wind, But a few moments later I was shocked to hear it yet again, Even sharper than before. I got up from my bed and left the room. As i walked the familiar halls, I heard the knocking yet again, Less urgent, But sharper still.

As I neared the front door, I thought something that I had not before. Who was on the other side?
That thought sent a chill down my spine. I remembered that the only people who stay out in the night are murderers and thieves. Why had I thought it a good idea to come down to answer the door? It was at that moment that I heard the the knocking once more, This time with such force that I am surprised the door did not fly off of its frame.

Finally my curiosity had overcome me, I had to know what was knocking at that door. I mustered up the courage to undo the locks and peek outside.

The moon was new, And the wind was high. The air chilled me to the bone as I stepped out.
"Hello?"
I called out into the darkness.

There was no reply.
Maybe it was the wind after all.

I stepped back inside and redid the locks on the door.

As I walked back through the house, I couldn't shake this feeling of dread. Perhaps i am just being a foolish old man, I thought.

I walked back into my room to discover a man dressed in black standing there in the centre.
"Who are you?"
I asked the man in a noticably frightened tone.

The man did not respond.

"Why are you here?"
I asked the man, This time eliciting a response.

"It is time for you to rest."
The man responded.

It was at this point that I noticed that there were now two beds in my room, One was my normal bed, The other was fit for a king. Highly decorated with fine materials.

I looked to the man to ask what sort of magic this was, But to my surprise he had vanished.
Aprehensive to the new bed located in my room, I lied down in my own bed.

The next thing I knew, I awoke just like any other day, Not remembering anything that had happened the previous night.
It was only once I had gone to lie down that I remembered these events and wished to record them before they are gone forever.


Take this as you will, Be it the truth, Or the ramblings of an old man.
Perhaps there is more to this world than we will ever know...

Creator of the term "Deathmine "
Jared [19|Oct 07:12 PM]: "It changes everything" Dryym

Platinum Dryym

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • What's yours is mine. ~TM's Resident Master Thief~
  • Awards Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Awarded to exemplary forum members 2 years on site+300 posts 3 years on site+600 posts Site art contributions/TPs in-game/Contest winners 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: dryym
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2016, 11:44:52 AM »
I am by no means an author, And since this is my first actual written story, I don't expect it to be great. But I would like to share it for those who may enjoy it.

Constructive criticism is welcomed.


This takes place in my fantasy universe, But its credibility as factual information of an event that actually happened is.. Questionable at best.

Creator of the term "Deathmine "
Jared [19|Oct 07:12 PM]: "It changes everything" Dryym

Jesse

  • Extreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6259
  • Oldest Lasting TM Youtuber.
  • Awards Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Former MotM winners 4 years on site+1000 posts Donated a giveaway prize. (Must be a prize of cash value.) 3 years on site+600 posts 2 years on site+300 posts 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • YouTube: BOBsCAST
    • Awards
  • Xbox: YT Mysterio
  • PSN: YT_Mysterio
  • Steam: YT Mysterio
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2016, 04:44:39 PM »
So this was a dream?


/mm Thanks Gold Knight for sig /mm
/mm MotM September '14 /mm
/mm Robo February '15 /mm
/mm 4th Demi Gods December '16 /mm
/mm Youtube: BOBsCAST /mm

Platinum Dryym

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • What's yours is mine. ~TM's Resident Master Thief~
  • Awards Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Awarded to exemplary forum members 2 years on site+300 posts 3 years on site+600 posts Site art contributions/TPs in-game/Contest winners 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: dryym
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2016, 04:52:01 PM »
So this was a dream?

But its credibility as factual information of an event that actually happened is.. Questionable at best.

Interpret this as you will. What he perceived, He perceived as real.

Whether or not he was correct, Or even whether or not the man in question ever existed is unknowable.

For all we know, This could be some vaguely poetic story created by a teenager and passed off as an excerpt from a man's personal notes.

Or perhaps the man passed his journal down to his son upon his death, And his son took a liking to the story and shared it.

Creator of the term "Deathmine "
Jared [19|Oct 07:12 PM]: "It changes everything" Dryym

Jesse

  • Extreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6259
  • Oldest Lasting TM Youtuber.
  • Awards Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Former MotM winners 4 years on site+1000 posts Donated a giveaway prize. (Must be a prize of cash value.) 3 years on site+600 posts 2 years on site+300 posts 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • YouTube: BOBsCAST
    • Awards
  • Xbox: YT Mysterio
  • PSN: YT_Mysterio
  • Steam: YT Mysterio
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2016, 05:37:04 PM »
So did you make this story or you get it on the internet? Sorry for my question just curious and confused.


/mm Thanks Gold Knight for sig /mm
/mm MotM September '14 /mm
/mm Robo February '15 /mm
/mm 4th Demi Gods December '16 /mm
/mm Youtube: BOBsCAST /mm

Platinum Dryym

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • What's yours is mine. ~TM's Resident Master Thief~
  • Awards Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Awarded to exemplary forum members 2 years on site+300 posts 3 years on site+600 posts Site art contributions/TPs in-game/Contest winners 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: dryym
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2016, 05:47:32 PM »
So did you make this story or you get it on the internet? Sorry for my question just curious and confused.


This story came from my own head, Not the internet. I don't plagiarize.

I am being purposely vague about details because I don't want the reader to know everything.

Creator of the term "Deathmine "
Jared [19|Oct 07:12 PM]: "It changes everything" Dryym

Jesse

  • Extreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6259
  • Oldest Lasting TM Youtuber.
  • Awards Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Former MotM winners 4 years on site+1000 posts Donated a giveaway prize. (Must be a prize of cash value.) 3 years on site+600 posts 2 years on site+300 posts 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • YouTube: BOBsCAST
    • Awards
  • Xbox: YT Mysterio
  • PSN: YT_Mysterio
  • Steam: YT Mysterio
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2016, 05:52:47 PM »
So did you make this story or you get it on the internet? Sorry for my question just curious and confused.


This story came from my own head, Not the internet. I don't plagiarize.

I am being purposely vague about details because I don't want the reader to know everything.
oh ok well you fooled meby talking in 3rd person all of a sudden.


/mm Thanks Gold Knight for sig /mm
/mm MotM September '14 /mm
/mm Robo February '15 /mm
/mm 4th Demi Gods December '16 /mm
/mm Youtube: BOBsCAST /mm

Lady Lobo

  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 108
  • Awards Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: Lady Lobo
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2016, 12:45:56 AM »
I loved the story Dryym. It reallly makes you think about what was real and what was the dream.


Jack Of Shades

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3243
  • ☽♕۞♕☾
  • Awards 3 years on site+600 posts Donated a giveaway prize. (Must be a prize of cash value.) 2 years on site+300 posts Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar 1 year on site+100 posts Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Former MotM winners
    • View Profile
    • Jack Of Shades Youtube Gaming Channel
    • Awards
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2016, 03:03:20 PM »
It almost has a vague tip of the hat to the episode of The Twilight Zone where the old woman is trying to AVOID death. She assumes every person, or thing, outside of her home is Death coming to take her away. Great episode! Anyway, this short story has a neat little 'what if, or what happened' factor to it. I like it, and being it's your first written story...it's a good start! My only issue is the fact that you cannot truly tell if it was a dream or a warning to the old man. He, in fact, did lay down on the bed summoned forth by Death. But he awoke the next day, not dead. Death came to him, but was he simply dreaming or did he really meet DEATH? Although, now that I mention this out loud...that was probably the point of the narrative. To make the reader wonder. O: Either way, nicely done.

Platinum Dryym

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4242
  • What's yours is mine. ~TM's Resident Master Thief~
  • Awards Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar Awarded to exemplary forum members 2 years on site+300 posts 3 years on site+600 posts Site art contributions/TPs in-game/Contest winners 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: dryym
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2016, 04:20:50 PM »
It almost has a vague tip of the hat to the episode of The Twilight Zone where the old woman is trying to AVOID death. She assumes every person, or thing, outside of her home is Death coming to take her away. Great episode!

That was unintentional, But if it reminded you of a Twilight Zone episode that you particularly like, I am not going to complain.

He, in fact, did lay down on the bed summoned forth by Death.

He actually laid back down in his own bed, Not the one summoned by death. Most likely due to fear of the unknown. Maybe my writing was a bit TOO vague here.


Death came to him, but was he simply dreaming or did he really meet DEATH?

One may never know. Perhaps the real Death came to him in a dream, And the alternate outcome would simply be the man dying in his sleep.

(Just because I say this, Doesn't necessarily make it true. You just missed one of the possible explanations.)


My only issue is the fact that you cannot truly tell if it was a dream or a warning to the old man. Although, now that I mention this out loud...that was probably the point of the narrative. To make the reader wonder. O:

Yes, This was the point. Very much so. That is a big reason as to why this is written in 1st person. This allows me to be vague without it just seeming like the writer (I.E. Me.) is being a jerk and withholding information. (Even though I totally am.)

Another reason for the perspective is that I see so little good 1st person stories compared to a 3rd person narrative.


I like it, and being it's your first written story...it's a good start!

Either way, nicely done.

I am glad you liked it! I am particularly happy with it too. I enjoy the vague poetry it has at times, And the fact that without the title, The reader would be just as in the dark as the "true" author was.

Do you have any advice or criticism in terms of my actual writing skill, Or my story creation?

Creator of the term "Deathmine "
Jared [19|Oct 07:12 PM]: "It changes everything" Dryym

Jack Of Shades

  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3243
  • ☽♕۞♕☾
  • Awards 3 years on site+600 posts Donated a giveaway prize. (Must be a prize of cash value.) 2 years on site+300 posts Members who have unlocked the robotic avatar 1 year on site+100 posts Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Former MotM winners
    • View Profile
    • Jack Of Shades Youtube Gaming Channel
    • Awards
Re: An Encounter with Death (Short Story)
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2016, 05:28:20 PM »
He actually laid back down in his own bed, Not the one summoned by death. Most likely due to fear of the unknown. Maybe my writing was a bit TOO vague here.
My mistake, I accidentally read over that detail too quickly. >_< I tend to read fast at times.

Do you have any advice or criticism in terms of my actual writing skill, Or my story creation?
When making a "Whodunit" narrative or possible mystery, it never hurts to add more suspense or background. Even more so, a tinge of mystery works as well. Keeping them guessing with more clues, and taking away the allusion of knowing what is going on also hooks the reader further into the story. So if you were to, let's say, add a tinge of reality to that dream (or not dream) it would make the reader wonder further. They'd dissect your work trying to see if there was a clue or sign they missed. Some tiny piece of information that tells them what is going on. Mystery to humans is something that attracts much attention and leaves them happy all the more second guessing every move. We crave to understand what we do not know. This story was great for how short it was, if you elongated it you could have turned our heads into a conundrum factory. All trying to work out what it is you were doing, confused - but in the best possible way. Either way, you did well with how little you gave.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2016, 05:49:14 PM by Jack Of Shades »