Author Topic:  The Many Miles.  (Read 1878 times)

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McIntyre

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The Many Miles.
« on: January 18, 2018, 12:32:26 AM »
Hello everyone. I have recently have had several ideas and lightbulbs cross my mind to create a story. I shall update this opening topic, when new chapters are released. I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions to make this story better. The story itself is called "The Many Miles" which the main character, often gets into different adventures, trouble, and meets some characters, friendly or not so friendly. This is my first story after a few years now, so it may not be perfect. So, bonus points to anyone who catches any spelling/grammatical errors. You will be credited.

As of Tuesday, March 13th of 2018, Chapter One has been a work in progress.
Prologue:
Spoiler for Hidden Content:
July 26th, 1867, Past Midnight. Stars shined across the country, as the tiresome people of the dusty and quiet town of Rolling Hill fell asleep. But not everyone rests easy here, For Burt, however, he was restless, he is digging on the quiet outskirts of Rolling Hill. He thinks that his family's fame has been wrongly stolen. Burt was never a social man as people often give him the cold shoulder because of his troubled past and his ramblings, everyone just thought the poor guy lost a screw. But Burt sometimes thought to himself, was he really wasting his time running after an old story that may not be true? Well, The gods will soon bless him with answers and will lead him with hope.





« Last Edit: March 14, 2018, 12:17:41 AM by Rollins »
I'm a wrestling fan, and Storywriter in the making.
The Many Miles Story is my second story, and is currently in the works today. You can read it here:
http://totalminerforums.net/index.php?topic=19330.msg198305#new

MasterMan917

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2018, 08:31:55 PM »
I love the concept, it actually got me immersed in just the little segment you wrote down, but you use too many commas. I've copied what you wrote down and will show you what I mean, I hope this is okay with you.  Again I love the short intro you did. I really hope you continue this.


 July 26th, 1867, Past Midnight. Stars shined across the country, as the tiresome people in the dusty and quiet town of Rolling HillNo comma here fell asleep. But not everyone rests easy here, For Burt, however, he was restless, he is digging on the quiet outskirts of Rolling HillWhy was he digging?. He thinks that his family's fame has been wrongly stolen. Burt was never a social man as people often give him the cold shoulderNo comma here because of his troubled past and his ramblings, everyone just thought the poor guy lost a screw. But Burt sometimes thought to himself, was he really wasting his timeNo comma here running after an old story that may not be true? Well, The gods will soon bless him with answers and will lead him with hope.


Please note: I'm not a writer but I read a lot and I like to think I have good grammar.

McIntyre

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2018, 12:31:31 AM »
Thanks for the criticism. I am a huge freak with using commas too much. I am glad you enjoy the story so far! I will use your opinion to help bump up the prologue, and keep that in mind while writing the first chapter.

I'm a wrestling fan, and Storywriter in the making.
The Many Miles Story is my second story, and is currently in the works today. You can read it here:
http://totalminerforums.net/index.php?topic=19330.msg198305#new

McIntyre

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2018, 12:24:18 AM »
Hey All!
The First Chapter is here. In this post, the spoiler leads to it. If anyone knows how to separate spoilers in a post instead of them intersecting each other, that would be appreciated. But here it is.


Chapter One:


Spoiler for Hidden Content:
July 30th, 1867, Dusk. The sky was full of perplexing colors of Blue and Orange and the stara were around the corner. Burt, digging for 4 nights straight was very tired as he never slept the same after the first sessions of digging. He was fatigued. His body was negatively being affected by this, as his fists were often red from holding the shovel he used to dig the dirt and clay underneath the surface. He walked very lazily down the poorly marked streets, which could be identified with wooden barriers of a sort. He kept walking, outside the marked town limits, until he reached to one of the dig spots he left for another time. While Burt walked half asleep, he noticed light coming from behind a small mound of ground. He thought to himself, "I never leave a torch or anything when I dig, what's this then?". He then shouted at the hole. "Who`s there? I'm armed and I'm not afraid to show myself!"
 Suddenly, a small voice spoke softly, "Alright, I'm coming out. I have nothing that could harm you.". 
 The figure climbed out and the split second it did, Burt was surprised, then said, "Who are you?"
I'm a wrestling fan, and Storywriter in the making.
The Many Miles Story is my second story, and is currently in the works today. You can read it here:
http://totalminerforums.net/index.php?topic=19330.msg198305#new

McIntyre

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Re: The Many Miles.
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2018, 12:15:22 AM »
Hey Everyone! Rollins here.

I have started to work on the second chapter of "The Many Miles" today, so expect that to drop by the end of this week or the beginning of next week.

As I said in the OP, Constructive criticism and Suggestions are indeed welcomed but while talking about that, a huge shoutout to MasterMan917 for helping me tweak the Prologue and have a better mind for Chapter 1, and the future chapters to come

But I've needed to kind of address, that since January of this year, the story has beaten several milestones I'd never think it would reach but most recently, The Many Miles hit and passed over 1500 views, and so I just wanted to say thanks. You guys are what keeps me going, writing these paragraphs known as chapters and in whole, a story. It's just kinda blown me away that this small little idea just snowballed since. From my heart, thank you. I will definitely release Chapter 2 in the utter near future. You guys are the best.
I'm a wrestling fan, and Storywriter in the making.
The Many Miles Story is my second story, and is currently in the works today. You can read it here:
http://totalminerforums.net/index.php?topic=19330.msg198305#new