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General => Writers Corner => Topic started by: Rollins on January 18, 2018, 12:32:26 AM

Title: The Many Miles.
Post by: Rollins on January 18, 2018, 12:32:26 AM
Hello everyone. I have recently have had several ideas and lightbulbs cross my mind to create a story. I shall update this opening topic, when new chapters are released. I welcome any constructive criticism and suggestions to make this story better. The story itself is called "The Many Miles" which the main character, often gets into different adventures, trouble, and meets some characters, friendly or not so friendly. This is my first story after a few years now, so it may not be perfect. So, bonus points to anyone who catches any spelling/grammatical errors. You will be credited.


As of Thursday, January 18th of 2018, The Prologue has been released.
Prologue:
July 26th, 1867, Past Midnight. Stars shined across the country, as the tiresome people of the dusty and quiet town of Rolling Hill fell asleep. But not everyone rests easy here, For Burt, however, he was restless, he is digging on the quiet outskirts of Rolling Hill. He thinks that his family's fame has been wrongly stolen. Burt was never a social man as people often give him the cold shoulder because of his troubled past and his ramblings, everyone just thought the poor guy lost a screw. But Burt sometimes thought to himself, was he really wasting his time running after an old story that may not be true? Well, The gods will soon bless him with answers and will lead him with hope. [/size]
Title: Re: The Many Miles.
Post by: MasterMan917 on January 21, 2018, 08:31:55 PM
I love the concept, it actually got me immersed in just the little segment you wrote down, but you use too many commas. I've copied what you wrote down and will show you what I mean, I hope this is okay with you.  Again I love the short intro you did. I really hope you continue this.


 July 26th, 1867, Past Midnight. Stars shined across the country, as the tiresome people in the dusty and quiet town of Rolling HillNo comma here fell asleep. But not everyone rests easy here, For Burt, however, he was restless, he is digging on the quiet outskirts of Rolling HillWhy was he digging?. He thinks that his family's fame has been wrongly stolen. Burt was never a social man as people often give him the cold shoulderNo comma here because of his troubled past and his ramblings, everyone just thought the poor guy lost a screw. But Burt sometimes thought to himself, was he really wasting his timeNo comma here running after an old story that may not be true? Well, The gods will soon bless him with answers and will lead him with hope.


Please note: I'm not a writer but I read a lot and I like to think I have good grammar.
Title: Re: The Many Miles.
Post by: Rollins on January 22, 2018, 12:31:31 AM
Thanks for the criticism. I am a huge freak with using commas too much. I am glad you enjoy the story so far! I will use your opinion to help bump up the prologue, and keep that in mind while writing the first chapter.