Author Topic:  A knighty adventure  (Read 380 times)

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Rollins

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A knighty adventure
« on: February 02, 2016, 04:23:13 PM »
Hey everyone I have a story...this is chapter 1
"A typical day in GreenRiver I feel like Exploring around the grasslands" Brian Ventures to a hill
Then he finds a Other kingdom."Wow I'm going to check it out!" He talks to the guard " me may i please come in the Kingdom? The guard says ok sure but don't do anything against the law.
Then this girl says "Hello I'm Natalie Who are you? "I'm Brian Nice to meet you.Brian And Natalie talk for a Few days Then Natalie asks" can you keep a secret?" Brian says ok
Then Natalie Turns into demon"I'm a demon"...Brian says it's okay I have seen worse.
It's not about the outside it's about the inside.then Brian And Natalie Kiss.

"You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways" -Fight Club

He's trying to P6 ban u bro! That's 5 levels above a P1 ban! You're done -Gary March 24, 2017

Gary

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Re: A knighty adventure
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2016, 01:44:47 PM »
uhhhhh


               

Link to my youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo4rmelSOUB9YMM0Is-zWyQ

MadDog95

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Re: A knighty adventure
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2016, 01:52:09 PM »
I demand a movie adaptation of this right now!

Platinum Dryym

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Re: A knighty adventure
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2016, 01:59:03 PM »
Just a suggestion, Try a bit of pacing in your storytelling. In most books I read, The story doesn't escalate that quick in the first chapter.

You may also want to work a bit on your ability to convey your "plot" in a way that keeps the reader interested.

If you're writing a love story, You don't want to skip over the parts that give substance to it, As that is rather unrealistic, And uninteresting.

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Rollins

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Re: A knighty adventure
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2016, 03:27:34 PM »
Just a suggestion, Try a bit of pacing in your storytelling. In most books I read, The story doesn't escalate that quick in the first chapter.

You may also want to work a bit on your ability to convey your "plot" in a way that keeps the reader interested.

If you're writing a love story, You don't want to skip over the parts that give substance to it, As that is rather unrealistic, And uninteresting.
Well OK it's just a fun story that we'll be in a quest in my new rpg.
"You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways" -Fight Club

He's trying to P6 ban u bro! That's 5 levels above a P1 ban! You're done -Gary March 24, 2017