Author Topic:  Y Slow Down?  (Read 465 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

That Forum Poster

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 406
  • ...it's a zero not an "O"
  • Awards 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: Team L0E
Y Slow Down?
« on: March 05, 2016, 08:47:00 PM »
My little attempt at a petrarchan sonnet...

Today, time passes in a blink of an eye.
Our society is ever evolving.
Are we creating more problems than solving?
"Obviously I need to reach 1 million followers before I die."
While we fight world hunger and obesity at exactly the same time.
As long as we continue, I see nothing wrong then.
As long as you're blogging
"Racism is a crime,
so we shall never divide."
I guess we can all win.
Leave the past in the dust, never look back when it's fogging.
Slow down, I dare you to try.
I script...and make music

xTokioBeatlex7

  • Elite Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 536
  • Here to Help!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: xTokioBeatlex
Re: Y Slow Down?
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2016, 08:44:04 AM »
I am very confused by this.
Definitely not a Destructo-Kitten.

Gary

  • Tester
  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2908
  • Steam: Conmaan ... ... Discord: Conmaan #9586
  • Awards 1 year on site+100 posts Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Former MotM winners
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Y Slow Down?
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2016, 11:31:21 AM »
My constructive criticism:

- You're lacking a clearly defined theme. You touch on too many social issues without focusing or expanding on any of them, so it comes across as muddled, incoherent ramblings.
- Your sonnet is also not truly Petrarchan. It lacks the 8 line octave followed by the 6 line sestet format. You followed the rhyme scheme pretty well though.
- Because your theme was muddled, there wasn't really any room for a thematic shift, which is one of the key characteristics of any sonnet, whether Petrarchan or Shakesperean or otherwise.

This is all based on what I learned from a course I'm currently taking in analyzing classic literature (second-year college level). Hopefully it helps you in the future.


               

Link to my youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo4rmelSOUB9YMM0Is-zWyQ

That Forum Poster

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 406
  • ...it's a zero not an "O"
  • Awards 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: Team L0E
Re: Y Slow Down?
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2016, 03:56:13 PM »
My constructive criticism:

- You're lacking a clearly defined theme. You touch on too many social issues without focusing or expanding on any of them, so it comes across as muddled, incoherent ramblings.
- Your sonnet is also not truly Petrarchan. It lacks the 8 line octave followed by the 6 line sestet format. You followed the rhyme scheme pretty well though.
- Because your theme was muddled, there wasn't really any room for a thematic shift, which is one of the key characteristics of any sonnet, whether Petrarchan or Shakesperean or otherwise.

This is all based on what I learned from a course I'm currently taking in analyzing classic literature (second-year college level). Hopefully it helps you in the future.
Thanks for the feedback. The incoherent switch across general themes was to represent today's social attention span. How a sensitive topic will become mainstream, then quickly forgotten when the next "hot topic" becomes top discussion. That's why I called it "Y Slow Down."
« Last Edit: March 08, 2016, 04:12:06 PM by That Forum Poster »
I script...and make music

Gary

  • Tester
  • Supreme Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2908
  • Steam: Conmaan ... ... Discord: Conmaan #9586
  • Awards 1 year on site+100 posts Was in the top 10 of the forum stats page as of 4/12/15 Former MotM winners
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Y Slow Down?
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2016, 04:24:41 AM »
My constructive criticism:

- You're lacking a clearly defined theme. You touch on too many social issues without focusing or expanding on any of them, so it comes across as muddled, incoherent ramblings.
- Your sonnet is also not truly Petrarchan. It lacks the 8 line octave followed by the 6 line sestet format. You followed the rhyme scheme pretty well though.
- Because your theme was muddled, there wasn't really any room for a thematic shift, which is one of the key characteristics of any sonnet, whether Petrarchan or Shakesperean or otherwise.

This is all based on what I learned from a course I'm currently taking in analyzing classic literature (second-year college level). Hopefully it helps you in the future.
Thanks for the feedback. The incoherent switch across general themes was to represent today's social attention span. How a sensitive topic will become mainstream, then quickly forgotten when the next "hot topic" becomes top discussion. That's why I called it "Y Slow Down."

Something important in literature that we're discovering through our analysis is that there isn't any room for interpretation unless you can back it up with significant evidence. In order to get this attention span constantly switching to be a fundamental, as well as a legitimate component of your sonnet, you'll have to back it up with phrases and references so that a reader would be able to decipher it on their own.


               

Link to my youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo4rmelSOUB9YMM0Is-zWyQ

That Forum Poster

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 406
  • ...it's a zero not an "O"
  • Awards 1 year on site+100 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: Team L0E
Re: Y Slow Down?
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2016, 02:49:53 PM »
My constructive criticism:

- You're lacking a clearly defined theme. You touch on too many social issues without focusing or expanding on any of them, so it comes across as muddled, incoherent ramblings.
- Your sonnet is also not truly Petrarchan. It lacks the 8 line octave followed by the 6 line sestet format. You followed the rhyme scheme pretty well though.
- Because your theme was muddled, there wasn't really any room for a thematic shift, which is one of the key characteristics of any sonnet, whether Petrarchan or Shakesperean or otherwise.

This is all based on what I learned from a course I'm currently taking in analyzing classic literature (second-year college level). Hopefully it helps you in the future.
Thanks for the feedback. The incoherent switch across general themes was to represent today's social attention span. How a sensitive topic will become mainstream, then quickly forgotten when the next "hot topic" becomes top discussion. That's why I called it "Y Slow Down."

Something important in literature that we're discovering through our analysis is that there isn't any room for interpretation unless you can back it up with significant evidence. In order to get this attention span constantly switching to be a fundamental, as well as a legitimate component of your sonnet, you'll have to back it up with phrases and references so that a reader would be able to decipher it on their own.
Duly noted. I like the feedback. ^-^
I script...and make music

Lunar

  • Elite Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 886
  • The God of the Galaxy
  • Awards 1 year on site+100 posts 2 years on site+300 posts
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Xbox: Qvzw
  • PSN: Widumn_Boise
Re: Y Slow Down?
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2016, 10:47:24 PM »
This piece is quite true, society is merely talking about themselves wrongly while doing those wrong things, I love this good work